Just Lonely, Awkward, Evan Hansen
by Figureskater84
Summary: Evan decides that he has had enough. He goes to the one place that feels like home to finish it off. (The first few chapters are super short but they get longer) TW: Suicide attempt
1. Chapter 1

The world is constantly changing. New things are created and old ones die. Everything seems to be revolving on a big turntable never really staying the same. I seem to be the one exception to that.

Me. Just Evan Hansen. The guy with social anxiety. The guy who can't even ask his teachers for help with homework. Just lonely, awkward, Evan Hansen.

Nothing was ever right for me. Having my dad leave when I was seven. Then having a mom who never seems to be home. No friends. Total solitude. My decision to end it wasn't hard. I had no one to stop me either.

I made my way to the park. I knew exactly which tree I wanted. Step by step. Branch by branch. Tears were streaming down my face before I was perched on the highest branch I could reach. I had left a note for my mom on my bed. By the time she found it, I would be long gone. I slowly stood up as I prepared. Taking one last glance at the horizon, I jumped.


	2. Chapter 2

Heidi's POV

It was nine pm when I arrived home. I climbed the stairs to Evan's room to see if he was already asleep. I was puzzled when I saw that his room was empty. _Evan doesn't go out past 8. _I turned the lights on. A small rectangular envelope sat on his bed. _Shit, shit, shit! _I tore it open and read the short note sitting inside of it.

_Dear Mom,_

_I'm sorry I'm such a screw up. I ruined your life. I just didn't know how to go on anymore. Please don't blame yourself for this. By the time you find this I'm probably already long gone. But if you care enough, I'm at Ellison State Park. Again, Please don't blame yourself. _

_Sincerley,_

_Evan_

I rushed out the door. I sped on over to the park. My heart racing and hands shaking. _No,no,no! This can't be real. _I parked as quickly as possible as I ran through the trees. _Where is he? _After a long 5 minutes I saw him. Slumped on his side with blood gushing out of his forehead. I dialed 911, practically yelling at the dispatcher. It was all a blur watching as the paramedics worked fast as they placed his body on a gurney. An oxygen mask already strapped to his face. I could only make out faint words through my sobbing. _Weak pulse. Not breathing. Fractured skull. _Not too long after, I found myself in the waiting room. It couldn't be. Not my Evan. I collapsed into the chair as I awaited news about my son. The one thing I cared about in this world.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: I forgot to mention that this is an AU where Connor is still alive. Also please review and let me know if I should continue. Any advice on my writing will also be gladly accepted. Thanks!**

Zoe's POV

Evan and I have been dating for about 3 months. I don't know what made Evan different. Maybe it was the fact that he was always there for me or that he always had that positive vibe when with me. I would have never guessed that he would do this.

_The night of Evan's attempt..._

I awoke to the buzzing of my phone. _It's 11 o'clock why would someone be calling me at this time?! _I checked the caller ID. _Heidi? Why would she be calling me and at this time? _I grabbed my phone off my night stand

"Hello?"

"Zoe? This is Heidi." Her voice sounded muffled and strained as if she'd been crying.

"Heidi, is something wrong? Is Evan okay?" I said in a panic.

"Um... you need to get to the hospital now. Evan... he.. " I heard as she began to sob again.

"Evan what?! I'm on my way" I hung up as I hopped out of bed in a rush. I grabbed my keys and ran to Connor's room.

"CONNER GET UP!" I yelled in a hurry.

"What the fuck Zoe! It's 11 o'clock!"

"We have to go now! It's Evan!" He shot up and rolled out of bed. We ran down to my car as we sped to the hospital. We arrived in a meer 3 minutes. We ran to the ER to find Heidi. Heidi looked up at us, her eyes bloodshot and filled with tears.

"Connor, Zoe..." She was interrupted by a doctor pushing through the doors.

"Family of Evan Hansen?"


	4. Chapter 4

Heidi's POV

We all sprang up and looked at the doctor with hopeful eyes.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Erin," He addressed to Connor and Zoe. I already knew him from work. "I'm sorry to inform you that Evan isn't in a good state at the moment." I felt myself begin to cry as he continued.

"Evan is currently comatose and doesn't have much brain activity. He is unable to breathe on his own and has a skull fracture along with a severe spinal cord injury. This may lead to paralysis."

"Will he wake up?" Zoe asked with tears streaming down her face. Connor rubbed her back with his own tears forming in his eyes.

"It is unknown, but it isn't looking well. We have him on life support and can keep him on it for as long as you wish."

Zoe buried her face into Connor's chest. I could barely focus. _No no no no! _

"Can we see him?" I asked.

"Yes, of course, this way." We followed Doctor Erin to Evan's room. Then I saw him. Lying motionless aside from the rise and fall of his chest. a ventilator hooked up and millions of other wires connecting him to the machines keeping him alive.

"I'll let you guys have some time." Doctor Erin says as he exits the room. I sat down in the chair next to Evan's bed.

"We're going to keep him as long as we can right?" Connor says. It's the first thing he has said this whole time.

"I don't know." I said between sobs. "I don't have enough money to keep him." I knew that if Evan didn't wake I'd have to let him go. I was going to put every last cent I had to keep him alive. But I knew that it would run out soon.

"We'll help pay." Zoe says. "He felt like family to us so we're going to help." There were a few minutes of silence before a long single monotonous sound rang through the room. Evan flatlined. Doctors rushed in pushing us all out.


	5. Chapter 5

Connor's POV

It has been 2 days since Evan flatlined. The doctors were able to save him though he was still in a coma. Zoe and I finally went home to shower and change into fresh clothes.

Larry started ranting as soon as we walked through the door.

"Where have you two been?! First, you both disappear in the middle of the night, then neither of you answer our calls what so ever!"

"Jeez, we were at the hospital with Evan." I snark back at him.

"Of course you're with Evan again. Honestly, you care more about him than your own father." Larry rolled his eyes.

"Dad?" Zoe piped in.

"Yes, sweetie? See Connor this is how you should act towards your father. _Polite and kind_."

"I kind of said we would help with Evan's medical bills."

"You what?! Zoe I'm not going to pay for a stranger's medical bill!"

"He's not a stranger!" Zoe countered back.

"Sure," Larry rolled his eyes once again. "Why do you care so much for him? It's not like he cares for us."

Zoe started to yell. "Who was at the hospital when Connor overdosed? Evan. While you were apparently too busy with work to even see your own son. Who talked to me when I had a bad day? Evan. Who brought mom a gift on her birthday when you conveniently forgot it was your wife's birthday? Evan. Evan does so much for our family. Heidi can't afford this for much longer. The least you can do is help out!"

I've never seen Zoe this angry about something. She's always been that sweet perfect little girl that everyone adores.

"Zoe Murphy! Go to your room this instant!" Larry snapped. Zoe bolted upstairs with tears in her eyes.

"Are you fucking serious Larry! Evan is my one friend and Zoe's whole world! You know you were right, I do care for him more than you!" I yelled as I ran up the stairs to Zoe's room.

"Zo?" I peek my head into her room.

"Go away, Connor." She has her head tucked between her knees as muffled sobs broke through. I walk in anyway. I sit down beside her and rub her back.

"Hey, Evan is gonna pull through this."

"How do you know that?" She looks up at me, her eyes flooded with tears. "He's in critical condition Con. We don't even know if he'll wake up."

"I have a feeling. Evan is strong."

"He wanted this. He wanted to be gone. But I can't let him go. Not like this." Zoe hiccups between her words.

"I'm sure that if he saw you like this, he would try his hardest to come back. To be beside you and say that he's fine."

"Why did he do this? Why him?" Zoe tilts her head back and sighs. Tears still streaming down her face.

"I don't know Zo. But when he wakes up we'll be there. Cause he will wake up."

Zoe stayed silent. A few minutes passes until she finally responded.

"What if he doesn't? I just don't know how I can go on." She rested her head on my shoulder.

"If he doesn't, his spirit and memory will always be with you. You'll remember him for the guy he is. The sweet, caring, loving boy." We stayed there for a few more minutes before I stood up.

"I need to show you something," I say as I lead Zoe to my room. I dug around my desk before I found it. I handed it to Zoe.

"He gave this to me a month ago. He told me to give this to you on a bad day or if you weren't feeling well." I bit my lip as Zoe slowly unfolded the paper. Her eyes teared again when she read it.

_Dear Zoe,_

_If you're reading this, it means that today wasn't a great day. I don't know what happened or why Connor gave you this now. But I want to say that I love you. No matter what. Nothing can keep us apart. _

**_Reasons I love you, Zoe Murphy_**

_1\. Your perfect smile, that smile always made my day a little better_

_2\. You're not afraid to be yourself_

_3\. You're the strongest girl I know, you can handle anything_

_4\. You can make it through anything, you won't give up_

_5\. You are perfect in every way_

_Zoe, whatever is making you sad or hurt right now will end. Tomorrow will be filled with happiness. Once again, I love you Zoe Murphy._

_Sincerely,_

_Me_

"Somehow, Evan will see that you're reading this right now. And he'll see how much you're hurting with him like this. And just like he promised, tomorrow will be better."

Zoe sits down on my bed still holding the letter. I can't help but think that these might be Evan's last words to Zoe. No I had to clear that thought from my head. Evan will pull through, for Zoe, for me and for Heidi.


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N: So this chapter is really unrealistic considering that Evan's "ghost" is walking around while he's in a coma but you know who cares. Anyway, sorry this took me a while, I've been busy with school. Also, I'm kinda stuck on ideas for the next chapter(s) so if anyone want to help out it would be great! Thanks to Caitlin1107 for following this story!**

Evan's POV

I found myself in darkness. Everything hurt like hell. Was this what dying was like? Or did I fail? A bright light flashed in front of me. I was suddenly in the corner of a hospital room. Nothing hurt anymore. I scanned the room. That's when I saw myself. Lying on a hospital bed with a million different wires connected to me.

My mom was in the chair next to me. I could tell she'd been crying. _So I did fail. _I guessed that I was in a coma considering that the machine behind me was beeping confirmed I was still alive. I decided to wander around a bit. I walked around a bit until I ended up at the Murphys' house. _Shit, I forgot to write to Zoe and Connor in my letter. _I went inside to try and find them. I saw them in Zoe's room.

Zoe was a wreck. She had tears streaming down her face while Connor comforted her. I couldn't help but think that this was about me. They soon moved to Connor's room. I saw Connor pull out the letter I told him to give Zoe on a bad day. I suddenly regretted my attempt. I broke my heart seeing Zoe like this. I overheard the last part of their conversation.

"Somehow, Evan will see that you're reading this right now. And he'll see how much you're hurting with him like this. And just like he promised, tomorrow will be better."

_I want to go back. _I wanted to be there to comfort Zoe. I screwed up. I found myself back in the darkness. Everything hurting again. I could let go right now. But I decided to hold on. For Zoe.

Zoe's POV

Connor and I spent the night at home before going back to the hospital the next morning. As we entered Evan's room, Heidi greeted us. She seemed a little happier than before.

"I have some good news." She said. I glanced at Evan, still motionless on the hospital bed.

"Doctor Erin said, that this morning they found some brain activity. He says that there's a higher chance of him waking up now." She seemed so excited and disapointed at the same time as she spoke.

"Do they know when he'll wake up?" Connor asked, obviously delighted by the news.

"They're still not sure." Heidi's face seemed to sadden.

We spent the rest of the day in the hospital before heading home once again. On the drive home, Connor and I talked.

"Do you think Evan really saw that I read his letter?" I asked. It was unlikely but I put it out there anyway.

"Maybe. I mean, it seems like too big of a coincidence."

"Coincidence or not, I'm glad he got better."

"Me too Zo."

We were silent for the rest of the drive. That night I dremt of Evan. All the good memories we made together. It made me hope even more that he would wake up soon.


	7. Chapter 7

This is set about 2 weeks later...

Evan's POV

Once again I was in a hospital room. But this time I was actually in the bed. Everything hurt. _Did I wake up? _A tube ran down my throat choking me as I tried to breathe. I coughed and gaged.

"Evan?!" I heard my mom gasp. She quickly got someone to remove the tube so I could breathe again.

"Sweetie, I was so worried! How are you feeling?" She asked before being pushed away by the other nurses and doctors.

"I'm sorry we have some stuff to do before you may talk to him." I heard one of the nurses say to her.

My back ached and my arm throbbed. _Probably rebroke it_. They asked me some questions then did some other test. The last thing they asked was,

"Can you feel your legs?" I began to hyperventilate when the realization hit me.

"No," I say, my voice trembling.

Heidi's POV

My Evan was awake. He was awake and responsive. I sat in the waiting room as the doctors ran tests on him. I grabbed my phone to leave a message for Connor and Zoe to see once they were out of school. I anxiously waited as seconds, then minutes, then an hour passed. Finally, Doctor Erin walked out.

"How is he?" I asked talking at the speed of light.

"He seems to be in quite a bit of shock at the moment. His arm is going to need a few more weeks to heal. But we're going to keep him here for at least another few weeks for observation."

"Oh, that's great." I sighed in relief.

"But, he helped us confirm that he can't feel anything in his legs. Therefore, he is most likely going to bound to a wheelchair from now on. We will start therapy soon to try and get back movement, but it may not be successful,"

"Oh," I knew that my disappointment was obvious. I know that I should be grateful that he even woke up but I couldn't help myself.

"May I see him now?" I asked.

"Yes, this way." Doctor Erin replied. I walked anxiously behind Doctor Erin back to Evan's room.

"Evan?" I said. He turned his head in my direction.

"Mom? I'm s-sorry." He stuttered out.

"Oh no, sweetie it's okay. I'm not mad okay?" I sat down in the chair.

"I love you, Mom." He says.

"Oh, sweetie I love you too." My phone buzzed. Zoe was calling me. I answered, excited to share the news.

"Hi, Heidi! I got your voicemail saying to call you once we were out of school. What's up?"

"It's Evan! He's awake!"

"Really?! Connor and I are on our way."

Zoe's POV

As soon as I hung up, I ran to Connor's locker to find him.

"Connor!" I yelled as I approached with a big smile on my face.

"What?"

"Evan's awake!" I couldn't contain my excitement.

"Seriously! We have to get to the hospital right now!" We both sprinted to the car.

Once we got the hospital we quickly made our way to Evan's room.

"Evan!" I excitedly yelled.

"Hi guys!" Evan was obviously happy to see us. I didn't want to ruin the happy moment but I couldn't help but think of asking Evan why he did it. But I contained myself from doing it. Heidi explained to us Evan's injuries now that he was awake. We spent the rest of the day talking before me and Connor headed back home.

**AN: So this chapter went really quickly. Im not sure how to continue this story. I might just give up on it now. Anyway, thanks for reading and being so supportive. I know my writing kinda sucks so it's really nice to see encouragement. **


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thank you guys so much for the reviews! It means so much to me that people like my story! Special thanks to Araw for favoriting and following this story and me! Also FlyUsOutOfHere for following and favoriting me! I was ready to give up on this but seeing your encouragement helped persuade me to keep writing. Also thanks to Araw for inspiring an idea for this chapter! Also, I forgot to mention that there will be occasional swearing in this story.**

Evan's POV

It had been 2 weeks since I woke up. I was finally allowed to go home. My mom had moved everything from my room into the guest bedroom downstairs so that I could access it in my wheelchair. That first night I went home, my mom had slept in the living room on the couch just in case I needed something.

Today was the first day of therapy. The doctors decided that it was time to try and gain some movement in my legs. I was trembling while waiting for them to call my name and start the session.

"Evan Hansen?" A nurse says while walking into the waiting room. My mom gets up to wheel me into the rehab center. Zoe and Connor were here too just for some support.

The nurse brought us into the center and into a corner with two parallel bars. The nurse applied some braces to my legs to stabilize them before saying,

"Alright Evan, we're going to start off with trying to stand. Lean all your weight into my arms and try and push yourself up from the wheelchair. If at any moment it hurts too much or you can't do it, you may sit back down in your chair."

"Okay," I reply hesitantly.

"You got this Ev," Connor says with a half smile on his face. I gripped the nurse's arm as I began to rise from the chair. I made it about 1 inch off the chair before my legs gave way and I plopped back down into my chair. I felt disappointed in myself. I wanted to stand. I wanted to be able to walk. But now I could barely even get out of a chair.

"It's okay Evan, we can try it again." The nurse says. Her voice is light with the tiniest amount of cheer. My mom, Connor, and Zoe were all watching from the side as I tried again. Then once more. I couldn't do it. I was starting to get frustrated. _Why can't I do it? _After what felt like a thousand tries I gave up.

"I'm done. I don't want to do it anymore." I say.

"Ev-" Zoe starts to say before the nurse cuts her off.

"No, it's fine. He's made a lot of progress today. We can schedule another appointment to try again. That okay?" The nurse asks, half directed to me, half directed to my mom.

"Sound great." My mom says. She grips the handles of my wheelchair as we make our way to our car. She opens the passenger door and scoops me up bridal style to place me in the seat. Connor and Zoe headed off to their car as my mom folded my wheelchair into the trunk. We started the 10 minute drive home.

"I'm sorry mom," I say.

"Oh sweetie, why are you sorry?"

"You're wasting your money because of my stupid mistake. My therapy, medication and medical bills."

"Evan. You know the only thing I care about right now is that you get better. I don't care if it takes 10 dollars or a million. Whatever is needed to get my little boy back on his feet."

"What if I never walk again?" I ask. I turn to her. Her eyes seem to have small tears as she continued driving. She never answered my question.

Zoe's POV

Today was Evan's first day of therapy. Heidi had asked Connor and me to tag along to give Evan some support. I drove with Connor in the passenger seat beside me.

"You excited?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I want Evan to walk again, but I'm also afraid that if he can't he's going to be really disappointed."

"I'm sure Evan knows that there's a chance he'll never walk again."

"I know but obviously we still have high hopes. I know that Evan is strong but some things you just can't fix."

We approached the rehab center and met with Heidi and Evan inside. Shortly after, Evan was called back. We followed them as the nurse explained what exercise Evan would do.

Evan tried over and over to stand up. _Come on Evan. You can do this. _After about 30 minutes, Evan claimed he was tired. We parted ways and drove home. Tomorrow would be a big day. Evan was going back to school.

Connors POV

Zoe and I had just got back from Evan's therapy session when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Connor! It's Heidi!"

"Oh hi! What's up?"

"I hate to ask you this but do you mind giving Evan a ride to school tomorrow? I hate to miss it but the hospital wants me on the early morning shift." Heidi asks.

"Sure! No problem."

"Can you also watch out for him? He's really nervous about seeing everyone."

"Of course. I'll make sure Evan does fine. He needs to go to the office first before class right?"

"Yes, thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot."

"I'll pick him up around 8 tomorrow."

"Great! Thank you so much, Connor."

"No problem."

I could already tell that tomorrow was going to be a stressful day.

Evan's POV

My blaring alarm woke me up the next morning. I turned it off and found a note from mom.

_Went to work. Connor will pick you up at 8. Eat, please. _

I was extremely underweight. While in a coma my weight dropped severely. Ever since I woke up I haven't had much of an appetite. I wriggled my way into my wheelchair and made my way to the kitchen. _Maybe I'll eat some cereal._

I grab a bowl and spoon from the counter and the milk from the fridge. My mom had put everything lower so that I could reach. It was then I realized that the cereal was on the top shelf. _Shit. _I looked around for something I could knock the box down with. It didn't look open so I didn't think it would open and spill. I settled on using the back of a mop. After 2 tries I had knocked it off the shelf.

Turns out the box was open. So now I was left with the cereal splattered on the ground. I glanced at the clock. 7:45. Connor was going to be here soon. I went to brush my teeth before coming back to clean up. I had no idea how to go about doing this. The doorbell rang.

"Come in it's unlocked!" I yelled. I heard the door open and close.

"Hey, Ev!" Connor said.

"Hey, Con!" I said back.

"Um, do you need help with that?" Connor asked pointing to the mess on the floor.

"Yeah, that would be great," I say rubbing the back of my neck. I watched as Connor swept up the cereal and tidied up the place.

"Thanks, Con."

"No worries Ev. You're probably hungry," He says as he tosses me a granola bar.

"Thanks!"

"Now let's get to school. I'll grab your backpack." We made our way out of the house. Connor tossed my backpack in the backseat before helping me into the car. He put my wheelchair in the trunk before hopping in the driver seat.

"I'm nervous," I say as Connor started to drive.

"Hey, it's okay. I'll be with you. We have 4 classes together and I'm sure the teachers will make sure that you're caught up on work."

"What if they ask where I was?"

"Well, everyone knows you were in the hospital. They just don't know why. You don't have to tell them why. That's your own preference. Don't tell them anything you don't want to."

"So only you and Zoe know?"

"Yup!" He said popping the p.

We pulled into the school parking lot. Connor grabbed my wheelchair and placed me down into it. He hooked my backpack on the back of my wheelchair before grabbing his own backpack.

"You have to head to the office before class starts."

"Okay, I'll see you later then." I say as I start to wheel myself over to the office.

I looked back as Connor walked the opposite direction. _I can do this. _


	9. Chapter 9

Evan's POV

I rolled myself into the office just as the bell rung.

"Oh hi, Evan! How are you feeling?" The secretary, Ms. Robins, asked me.

"I'm fine. My mom told me to check in here."

"Ah, yes. Instead of going to gym, you'll be going to the library for a study hall." Ms. Robins says with a huge grin that was obviously fake.

"Oh, thanks," I said. I already hated that I was being treated differently. "Will that be all?" I ask.

"Yes, you can head to class now."

I exited the room and made my way to my first period class. Thank god Connor was in it. Everyone quieted when I entered. I felt myself blush and tremble a bit. Connor stood up to help me.

"Sit down Mr. Murphy." My history teacher, Ms. Hurkely, says.

"Bu-" Connor starts.

"No buts! Sit!" She orders. She walks over to me.

"Now, Evan, do you need any help?"

"Yeah, um actually Connor was going to help me today," I say, making the conversation awkward. Connor sat there with a grim smile that seemed to say _I told you so._ Ms. Hurkely blushed a bit before reclaiming her seat at her desk. Connor stood up once again, this time not interrupted, and walked over. He grabbed the handles on my wheelchair and brought me to my desk. He took out my binder and pencil from my backpack before grabbing his stuff to sit down next to me.

Ms. Hurkley was letting us have a free period today. It gave me time to catch up on some work.

"Connor, I expect that you will help Evan catch up on some work he missed today." Ms. Hurkley states.

"Yes, ma'am." Connor proceeded to pull out his textbook to start working with me. A mere 3 minutes passed before Jared, my "Family Friend" came over.

"Yo, Acorn! What'd you do to yourself huh?" Jared springs into the seat next to Connor.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Come on! Ease up! We're friends remember?"

"F*ck off, Kleinman. He said he didn't want to talk about it!"

"Language Murphy." Ms. Hurkley chimes in. Connor rolls his eyes. I can tell that he's done it before.

"Jeez why are so protective of him? Is he your boyfriend?" Jared taunts.

"You know I'm with Zoe, Jared." I say, obviously annoyed. How did I stand this guy before?

"Fine, fine. I'll leave you two alone." Jared says as he returns to his desk. By the end of the period, Connor had filled me in on the American Revolution and the Age of Exploration. My next two classes would be without Connor. I was slightly nervous that someone like Jared would come along and make me spill my secret. If anyone else knew that I had tried to commit suicide, everyone would label me as the "freak". They would ignore me more than they already did. Connor could tell that I was slightly freaking out.

"It'll be okay Ev. Just two periods without me and then we'll meet up with Zoe at brunch."

"What if they find out what I did?"

"They won't. Only you, me, and Zoe know. None of us will tell. Got it?"

"Yeah," I say. Everyone was going to be staring at me. I just knew it. I was going to get bombarded with "What happened?" and "How are you?". I wasn't ready to answer any of those questions. I was destined to spill something that I would regret.

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to respond if you don't want to." I ask Connor.

"Go right ahead."

"How'd you deal with school when you overdosed?"

I saw Connor's eyes widen a bit.

"I'msorryyoudon'thavetoanswer.I'msorryConnorpleasedon'tbemadatme." I rambled.

"Hey, hey. Slow down. I'm not mad at you. It's just a sensitive topic."

"I'm sorry." I say a bit slower.

"No, it's okay. I mean with me I just told them to f*ck off. But I know swearing isn't your thing."

"Yeah," I say. Connor started to load my stuff back in my backpack while he talked.

"Just ignore them. I'm sure teachers will help you out."

"Connor?"

"Yeah, Ev?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you," Just as I finished the bell rang and everyone filed out of the classroom.

Connor's POV

I never noticed Evan until the first day of senior year. The day I pushed him and stole his letter. After reading his letter I wanted to try and help him get better. We became closer than ever. By October, he started dating Zoe. He improved my relationship with Zoe and mom. Larry on the other hand, was still a work in progress. All three of us would hang out at the old apple orchard. We could spend hours there just talking about life and other stuff.

In November, when I overdosed is when I realized how loyal Evan was. He stayed at the hospital every second I was there. He never left my side. With Evan there, I didn't feel anything but joy. Evan had changed my whole world. He always made me smile and laugh. I was too focused on how Evan helped me to realize that Evan was getting worse.

I should have seen his attempt coming. His persona had changed weeks before his attempt and I should have taken that as a sign to talk to him. But I didn't. Now he's in a wheelchair. I could've prevented this. But I didn't.

I didn't want to make Evan even more nervous, so I didn't mention that I was also worried about what people would say to him today. He's going to be alone in second and third period. I watched him leave the history classroom as I gathered my own stuff before exiting.

On my way to second period Jared ran up behind me.

"Murphy!"

"What do you want Kleinman?"

"Do you know what happened to Evan?"

"Yes."

"Ca-" Jared starts as I cut him off.

"I'm not telling you if that's what you want." I snap at him. This was Evan's secret. It was his choice who he wanted to tell. I'm pretty sure that doesn't include Jared. Even if they're "Family Friends". I quickened my pace to get away from Jared. I didn't need to deal with his crap right now. Just wait another hour and a half and I'll get to Evan.

Second period went by and third was almost ending when I was called to the office. Over the overhead speaker, our principal's voice boomed throughout the school.

"Connor and Zoe Murphy, please report to the office. I repeat Connor and Zoe Murphy, please report to the office."

I grabbed my backpack and walked to the office. Zoe was already there when I arrived. We both smiled at each other with confused looks on our faces.

"Now, you guys are probably wondering why your here." Ms. Robins says. We both nod our head to confirm.

"I understand that you two are close friends of Evan Hansen."

"Yes, he's my boyfriend and Connor's best friend." Zoe says.

"He's having a bit of a panic attack at the moment. We were hoping that one of you knew how to calm him down."

I raced through the doors to the nurse's office. I didn't even wait to hear what else Ms. Robins had to say.

"Evan!" I said as I burst through the door. I saw Evan flinch at the sudden noise.

"Connor Murphy!" The nurse yelled.

"Sorry," I mumbled. I kneeled next to Evan. His breathing was the fastest I've ever seen. He was trembling and crying.

"Hey, Ev. Just breathe okay? Ready? Match my breathing." I slowed my breathing to help him calm down. His breathing got a tiny bit slower but was still incredibly fast. It took another few minutes to get him completely calm. Zoe came in shortly after to check on us.

"You guys okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, Evan has calmed down." I say.

"Thanks, Connor." Evan squeaks.

"Can I speak to you for a sec Con?" Zoe asks.

"Sure, one sec." I stand up and walk over to her.

"Ms. Robins wanted us to check with Evan what caused his panic attack. Just to make sure it wasn't anything serious."

"You wanna do it? Evan probably wants to talk to you too." I say.

"Thanks, Con." Zoe says. She walks over to Evan and they talk for about five minutes before Zoe came back to talk to me.

"He said that someone was trying to get him to tell why he was in the hospital." Zoe said.

"Who?"

"He wouldn't say. But maybe one of us should stay with him today."

"Yeah, I'll go talk to Ms. Robins about it."

"No, I will. Evan wants to talk to you."

"Oh, okay." I say. Zoe walks out of the nurse's office as I went to go sit with Evan.

"What's up Ev?"

"Someone's gonna find out about my attempt. I just know."

"Hey, even if they do, I'll make sure that you're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

"But you're only in four of my classes. What about the other three?"

"Don't worry. Zoe went to the office to talk about one of us staying with you today."

"Really? You guys are really the best. I don't know what I would do without you."

"No problem Ev. That's what friends are for." Evan gave me a small smile. His face was still flushed from the attack but other than that he looked fine. We waited for another 10 minutes before Zoe came back.

"Ms. Robins agreed to you staying with Evan. You'll just have to pick up your homework after school."

"Thanks Zoe." I say. The rest of the day went smoothly with me helping Evan around.

After school, I helped Evan over to my car to give him a ride home. I carried him out of his wheelchair and put him in the front seat. Just as I put him down Jared came over.

"Are you helping your boyfriend Connor?" He taunts.

"Are you serious Kleinman?! Just leave us alone!"

"It was a joke. Cool down."

"No! I've had enough Jared! Hansen is paralyzed and all you can do is make stupid jokes! I'm done Jared. Leave Evan and me alone!" With that I got in the car and slammed the door. I started to drive.

"That was epic, Connor." Evan exclaimed. His face looked so happy.

"I told you I'm not letting anyone hurt you."

"Thank you. But did you forget my wheelchair in the parking lot?"

"Shit." I said as I turned the car around.

Evan's POV

It was 5 when my mom came back home.

"Evan! I'm home!" I heard as I rolled out of my room.

"Hey, mom."

"Hi sweetie! How was the first day back at school?"

"It was fine. Connor stayed with me for the most part. I had a panic attack though."

"Oh, I'm glad Connor was there."

"Me too," I said as I went to the kitchen.

"I was thinking of doing tacos tonight to celebrate. That sound ok?"

"Yup." I replied popping the p like Connor does. Tomorrow I would have another therapy session. I was determined to stand. If not for me, for Connor.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: So I've decided that I'm gonna post one chapter per week on the weekends since I'm busy with school on weekdays. I'm gonna try and make these chapters longer since my first few chapters were kinda short. Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback. If anyone wants to suggest ideas for future chapters feel free to do so! **

Evan's POV

I had just finished up at my therapy appointment when Zoe called me.

"Hey Evan!" Zoe said.

"Hey," I reply.

"First of all, how was therapy?"

"It was fine. I don't think there was much improvement but you know, it was ok." Today I tried my hardest to stand yet I still couldn't do it. I wanted it so bad but I could never get my legs to hold my weight.

"Oh, well as long as you tried your hardest!" Zoe says.

"Yeah, so what did you call for?" I ask cheerfully.

"I was thinking since we haven't hung out that much since you got out of the hospital if you wanted to do a date night tonight?"

"Totally!" This was the distraction I needed. To get my mind off of things. "Where do you wanna go?" I ask her.

"I was thinking of doing a picnic at Ellison State Park," Zoe said. She sounded so excited.

It was then I realized that my mom hadn't told them where I did my attempt. Going back to Ellison State Park would bring back memories of that night. The night I gave up. No, I don't want to look back onto that day. But I didn't want to make it seem as if I didn't like Zoe's idea.

"Evan?" I heard through my phone's speaker.

"What?"

"Are you ok? You suddenly went all silent." Zoe said, her voice showed signs of concern.

"Yeah, sorry. Sounds great for tonight."

"Great pick you up at 5?"

"Yeah," I say as I hung up. I put my phone in my lap.

"You okay honey?" My mom asks. I forgot she was beside me.

"Yeah, I'm going out with Zoe tonight."

"Where are you guys going?" She asks as she gets me situated in the car.

"We're doing a picnic. At E-e.."

"Where honey?"

"Ellison State Park." I mumble.

"Oh, um are you sure you're fine going there? Last time-" My mom started. I quickly cut her off.

"That was over a month ago. I'm fine now. Really," I say. _Am I really though? What if that feeling comes back? _

"Ok, as long as you're sure you're fine. Is Zoe picking you up?"

"Yeah," I say. The rest of the drive home was silent.

Before I knew it, Zoe had shown up to take me to the park. At 5 o'clock sharp, she rang the doorbell. I went to open the door, but my mom beat me to it.

"Hey, Heidi!" Zoe says to her.

"Hi, Zoe! How are you doing?"

"Good! Evan ready?" She asks before seeing me roll up. Zoe had a violet dress on with her hair curled. She looked so beautiful. I was wearing my usual blue polo shirt and khakis.

"Wow, you look beautiful Zo," I say. She blushed before speaking.

"Thanks," She brushes her hair behind her ear before speaking to my mom again.

"Do you have your anxiety meds Ev?" My mom asks me. I nod as I pulled out the bottle of pills from my pocket to show her.

"Ok, have fun you two!" My mom says.

"Can you show me how to get Evan into the car?" Zoe asks.

"Su-" My mom starts.

"No, mom. I want to get in myself." I say. My mom's surprised face had the biggest smile I've ever seen. I started to wheel myself to Zoe's car. I heard my mom say bye to Zoe and footsteps approaching behind me. Zoe opened the passenger door and stepped aside.

"Let's see it, Acorn," Zoe says with a chuckle. I blushed at the nickname.

"When did you and Jared talk huh?" I say sarcastically. I removed the armrest on the left side of my wheelchair so I could slide myself into the seat once I lifted myself out of the chair. I used all my arm strength to lift myself an inch out of the chair before sitting back down. This time, in Zoe's car. Zoe looked like she wanted to cry of happiness. That took a lot of my strength but seeing Zoe's face made it worth it. I feel like I could hear my moms excitement too. I couldn't see her but I was positive that she was watching through a window.

"Evan," She said, obviously shocked. "You just did that! Oh my god, I'm so proud of you!" She says as she embraces me with a hug.

"Well, I've gotta start somewhere. This today, standing is my next step." I say. Zoe releases me from her hug and packs my wheelchair into the trunk. She got into the driver's seat. Before she started the car, she landed a quick kiss on my cheek.

"I love you, Ev,"

"I love you Zo," With that, we started our drive to the park.

About 20 minutes later...

"Can I open my eyes now?" I asked. Zoe had asked me to close my eyes while she wheeled me into the park.

"Not yet, wait a tiny bit longer," Zoe says.

"Oh my god, Zoe."

"What?! I want to surprise you!"

"Ok, ok," I say, half laughing.

"Anddddd, here we are! Open your eyes!" She says excitedly. I open my eyes to see a picnic table with a cloth laid over it. There were a bunch of fairy lights strung around the circle of trees. In the middle of the table was a picnic basket overflowing with food.

"Zoe," I say, speechless. "This is amazing," I spurt out.

"Yay! I'm so glad you like it!" Zoe says. We move over to the table and start to take out the food.

"This really is perfect Zo," I look over and see her beaming.

"You're perfect," She replies. I feel a big smile form on my face. We began to eat. I grabbed a sandwich and Zoe grabbed a bowl of macaroni salad. This really was the perfect night to get my mind off of things. I couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend.

Jared's POV

I haven't really talked with Evan since he was in a coma. Although I didn't admit it, I needed Evan as my friend. I don't care about my car insurance. I just needed an excuse to seem cooler than him. Evan was my only true friend. Now he thinks of me as an annoying family friend. I knew that I was a dick sometimes but I didn't expect Evan to completely hate me after he was released from the hospital.

I still didn't know what happened to him. I tried asking him and Connor but neither of would spill. I truly care about him. When I heard he was in a coma I cried. I legitimately cried. I wanted to visit him so badly yet I didn't. Why? I don't know. Something kept me back from going to the hospital. A part of me wondered if I was part of the reason Evan was now paralyzed. But how could I? I didn't do anything to him. Unless it was a suicide attempt. _Shit. _It can't be. But what other explanation is there?

If he was hit by a car, or in an accident, chances are that it would have been on the news. But he wasn't. I can't think of anything else that would leave him paralyzed. He must have jumped. Like he did last summer when he broke his arm. I should have stopped him. I should have known. I needed to call Evan right away. To confirm what I hoped wasn't true. Evan didn't try and commit suicide. He couldn't have.

I dialed Evan's number. It rang for about 30 seconds before going to voicemail. Come on Evan. Pick up. I decided to text him instead.

**JK: Ev, please pick up **

I waited about a minute before my phone buzzed

**EH: What do you want Jared? I'm busy**

**JK: Please, it's important. I need to know that you're okay**

**EH: Why wouldn't I be?**

**JK: Please Evan**

**EH: I'm in the middle of something right now Jared**

**JK: Just answer!**

**EH: Ugh, fine **

"What do you want Jared? You're interrupting my date with Zoe." Evan said. He was obviously annoyed.

"I need you to be honest with me."

"Ok, what?!"

"Was it suicide?" I say. My voice trembled as I spoke. There was a moment of silence before he answered.

"W-who told you?" He was obviously nervous. I could hear Zoe in the background asking if he was ok.

"No one. I just sat down to think of reasons."

"Jared, you can't tell anyone."

"Don't worry buddy, I won't," I say. I feel like I could feel him loosen up after I spoke.

"Wow, you didn't use Acorn. You must be serious." He said with a chuckle.

"Anything for my friend," I said.

"Not family friend?"

"Nope. Just friend."

"Thank you, Jared."

"No problem Ev. But don't think I'm not gonna use Acorn anymore."

"Fine, but only if I get to call you bath-bomb,"

"Jeez Evan, that was one time!"

"Yeah but you still ate it!"

"Fine. Anyway, you should get back to your date."

"See ya later Bath-bomb,"

"See ya later Acorn." With that I hung up and flopped on my bed. I smiled to myself. I had my best friend back.

Evan's POV

After Jared hung up I turned back to Zoe.

"Sorry about that," I say.

"Who was it?" She asks.

"Jared. He figured out that it was a suicide attempt,"

"How?! Was it Connor? I'm gonna have a talk with him later," Zoe says with anger in her eyes.

"Nononono, it's okay Zo. He figured it out by himself. He promised not to tell anyone,"

"Oh, ok. So maybe I got a little too aggressive," She says blushing. I let out a small laugh.

"Um so, I have something to tell you."

"Go right ahead."

"So you know that I tried to commit suicide,"

"Yeah, go on."

"I actually did it here," I say. My voice was really quiet as I said those last five words.

"Evan. You should have told me! We didn't have to come here. We could've gone somewhere else."

"No, it's fine. I think it actually helped. Now when I see this park, I'll think of this date instead of my attempt." I say.

"And when I see this park, I'll think of you." She says.

"How did I get so lucky with a girl like you, Zoe Murphy."

"You know, I'm pretty lucky to have you as my boyfriend too." We both leaned in for a kiss. When we pulled apart we gazed at the stars and smiled. What did I do to deserve Zoe? She was perfect.

By the time Zoe dropped me off at home it was almost ten. I said bye to Zoe as I made my way to my front door.

"Hey Sweetie! How was date night?" My mom says as soon as I open the door.

"Great! We had a great time,"

"That's great! You should get ready for bed. I have to head out for work now. I'm working the night shift" She says. She walks over and plants a quick kiss on my forehead.

"Ok, bye mom."

"Bye Sweetie," She says as she walks out the door.

I sighed. I know that she was trying her hardest. Working extra hours to pay for our rent as well as my hospital bills and medication. I just wished she was around more often. But right now, I was grateful for having such a supporting mom and friends. I checked my phone and found a text from Connor.

**CM: Zoe told me that Jared knows, you ok?**

**EH: Yeah, I mean he was my first friend so I guess he deserves to know**

**CM: K, as long as you're fine with it. Cause I can do something if you want me to**

**EH: Connor, you are not going to punch anyone**

**CM: Are you sure? I'm ready if you're worried about Kleinman :) **

**EH: Connor! you are not going to get yourself suspended from school for me**

**CM: Fine**

**EH: Wanna come over tomorrow?**

**CM: Sure, what time?**

**EH: What about 9?**

**CM: K**

**EH: Gtg go, see ya tomorrow**

**CM: See ya**

I knew that Connor was joking about the punching part but it was fun to mess around with him. I put on some music as I brushed my teeth and got in my pajamas. The first song that played was called "Share your Address" by Ben Platt. **(AN: This is off topic but if you haven't already listened to Ben Platt's Album it's AMAZING. Ok, back to the story) **After that, some songs from the musical Be More Chill played. By the time the music ended, I was ready to sleep. I turned off the lights and got myself into my bed. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Hey guys! Sorry, this is up late but better now than never! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope you continue to read this story. **

Evan's POV

When I woke up it was 8:45. I checked my phone for about 10 minutes before getting myself into my wheelchair. I went to the kitchen to grab some water when the doorbell rang. _Shit, I forgot Connor was coming over. _I wheeled myself over to open the door.

"Hey Connor," I say.

"Hey Ev," Connor said before looking down at what I was wearing. I rubbed my neck and felt embarrassed as I spoke.

"Yeah, um sorry. I just woke up. I forgot you were coming."

"Anyway," He says, changing the subject. "I'm gonna assume that you haven't eaten breakfast, want me to make pancakes?"

"Oh, no it's fine. I'm not really hungry." I say. I didn't like it when I seemed like a burden.

"I know you don't like it when people help you but if you haven't noticed, your like 20 pounds underweight." I glanced down at my skinny body as if I didn't know that it looked like that.

"Bu-" I start to say.

"No buts. I'm making pancakes whether you like it or not." Connor says as he starts to take the pancake mix and milk out. I sighed. I should have known that Connor wouldn't listen.

"So, how's therapy going?" He asks. He's mixing the batter with one hand while the other took out a pan to put on the stove.

"Ok, I guess," I say. I didn't feel like talking about it right now but I didn't want Connor to think I was mad at him. It took about 20 minutes for Connor to finish up the pancakes. He brought them over to the table and pulled out two plates and some syrup. I reluctantly took one pancake and started picking at it. I really wasn't hungry but I also didn't want to waste Connor's effort. Connor, on the other hand, had already finished two. A few moments later, the front door burst open.

"YO ACORN!" Jared yells as he enters my house.

"What are you doing here Jared?!" I asked.

"I don't know, I was bored so I decided to come to see my friend!" Jared says, way too enthusiastically. Then he spots Connor.

"Oh hey, Murphy!" He says while reaching for a pancake. Connor slaps his hand away.

"Hey who said you could have one!" Connor says! In a minute, they were in a full blown argument. This is gonna be a long day.

Around 12...

Connor and Jared had gone back home and my mom's shift was ending soon. Connor had made me some mac and cheese before he left. I ate it while waiting for my mom. At exactly 12:20 I heard her car door slam and her keys as she unlocked the front door.

"Evan! I'm home!"

"Hey, mom!" I say. I roll over to greet her.

"I have some great news!" My mom had a huge grin on her face

"Go on," I say.

"So, the doctor's said that there's this surgery that will strengthen your legs and support your spine that gives you a better chance at walking again!"

"Really?! That's great." I say.

"I scheduled an appointment with Doctor Erin to go over it."

"Wait, so I might actually walk again!"

"Yes!" My mom says with tears in her eyes. "You're gonna walk again!" She says as she engulfs me in a huge hug.

"I have to text my friends!" I wheel myself to the table to grab my phone.

**EH: Guys! I have the best news!**

**JK: What Acorn?**

**CM: Oooo what is it?**

**ZM: Tell us!**

**EH: So my mom just talked with Doctor Erin**

**JK: Who?**

**ZM: Evan's doctor from when he was in a coma**

**CM: I forgot that Jared wasn't there when Evan was in the hospital**

**JK: Well I'm sorry! I'm here now! **

**EH: GUYS**

**ZM: Sorry**

**JK: Sorry Acorn**

**CM: Sorry Ev**

**ZM: So what's this great news? **

**EH: Like I was saying, my mom talked to Doctor Erin**

**CM: And...**

**EH: And there's this surgery that can increase my chance of walking again!**

**ZM: That's great!**

**CM: Awesome!**

**JK: Really?! That's great Acorn!**

**EH: Thanks, bath-bomb**

**ZM: Oooo when did calling Jared bath-bomb become a thing**

**CM: HA BATH-BOMB**

**JK: EVERYBODY SHUT UP**

**ZM: Now back to Evan. I'm so happy for you! **

**EH: Well it's not 100% set in stone that I'm gonna do it but I think there's a high chance**

**CM: YAY**

My appointment with Doctor Erin was at five. I couldn't wait. This could be it. I could walk again.

Soon enough I heard my mom call me over.

"Evan! Time to go!"

"Coming!"

My mom stood by the front door with her purse and car keys in her hand. She opened the door and I rolled myself to her car. It took about five minutes until we actually started driving.

"You excited?" She asks, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Yeah," I say. I wanted to get this surgery but I'm pretty sure it would be really expensive. I had already cost us a fortune being in a coma and needing therapy.

"What's wrong? I can tell you're thinking of something." She says.

"It's just, I've already made you spend so much money and I'm sure this is gonna be expensive too."

"Oh, Evan. Don't worry about money. I don't care how much it cost. I'll find a way to pay for it. As long as your happy."

"But I don't want to seem like a burden."

"Evan, you will never be a burden. I will love you no matter what. You understand?" She says. I nod my head. Before we knew it we had arrived at the hospital. We waited about 5 minutes until Doctor Erin called us back.

"Hi, Evan. How are you doing?"

"Fine,"

"So today we're here to talk about surgery for Evan, correct?"

"Yes," My mom responds.

"So, what we would do in this surgery is stabilize his legs with some metal rods, and add a metal support on his spine."

"And this will help him to walk?" My mom asks.

"That's what we're hoping for, yes."

"How much would this cost?" I ask. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

"Around 30k." Doctor Erin says. I hear my mom gulp. I feel my hands start to get sweaty. I knew that it'd be expensive.

"And there's another downside," Doctor Erin says with a monotone voice. _Shit. "_This surgery is very risky. There's only a 30% chance that he'll make it through."

"What?!" My mom yells.

"But we have a group of very good surgeons that I trust very much."

"But there's only a 30% chance of him living! And even then it's not an 100% chance that he will be able to walk!" My mom looked furious.

"I can give you some time to think about it if you like. You two can talk it over a bit."

"Thank you for your time." I say. I didn't want to leave on a bad note. My mom and I made our way back to her car. We started the drive back home.

"Mom?" I say quietly.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Are you still going to let me do the surgery?"

"I don't know honey."

"But I really want to."

"I know honey. But, I don't want to lose you." I look over at her and I see tears in my eyes. "We'll talk about it later okay?" She says.

"Okay," I say. I pull out my phone to text my friends.

**EH: I just came back from the doctor**

**ZM: How'd it go? Are you gonna do it?**

**EH: We still haven't decided**

**CM: Why? **

**EH: Well there are two reasons**

**EH: First off, it's kinda expensive **

**JK: But it'll allow you to walk again!**

**CM: Yeah! And plus, if your worried about finance Zoe and I can help out**

**ZM: What's the second reason?**

**EH: Well, there's only a 30% chance of me making through the surgery**

**ZM: WHAT**

**JK: SH*T**

**CM: FU*K NO**

**CM: So you're saying that there's a 70% chance of you dying?!**

**EH: Yeah, that's why we still don't know whether we want to follow through with the surgery**

**EH: I'll text you guys later when we decide.**

Connor's POV

After Evan texted I got up from my bed and punched my wall. I yelled and screamed. Evan finally had a chance to get better and now there's a high chance that he'll die in the process. I heard a knock on my door.

"Go the fu*k away!" I yelled.

"Con? It's me." I heard Zoe's voice. Before I could respond I heard my door click open. "You ok?" She asks.

"Do I look okay?" I snap. I see her flinch and take a small step back. "Sorry," I mumble.

"Look, I know your upset about Evan,"

"Aren't you? I mean, he finally has a chance to walk and then he comes with the news that he might die!" Zoe stood beside me and started to rub my back.

"I know it's hard but no matter what Evan chooses, we should support him."

"I know, but it's just so difficult seeing that your best friend might die in the process of something good."

"It's hard for me too, Con." We both sat down on my bed for a while. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I read the caller ID. Evan. I answered the phone. Evan said one quick line.

"I'm gonna do it."


	12. Chapter 12

Connor's POV

After Evan called I put the phone down and stared at the wall.

"What is it?" Zoe asks. Her hand is still on my back, rubbing in small circles.

"He's doing it. He's going to do the surgery," I Say. I want to be happy for him, but I couldn't help but feel scared. Scared that if something goes wrong, we could lose him.

"I know you're scared but think about it, if it's successful he's going to walk again!" Zoe says, trying to lighten the mood.

"And if it doesn't? He's my best and only friend."

"let's not think about it. For now, we should celebrate. Celebrate how far he's come. Okay?"

"Okay," I say. I grab my phone and shoot Evan a quick text.

**CM: Can Zoe and I come over?**

**EH: Sure**

**JK: What about me? I'm here too you know?!**

**CM: Oh my god Jared! Just butt out!**

**EH: No it's fine. You guys can all come over**

**JK: Great! ALready on my way**

**EH: You guys might as well sleepover, it's getting late.**

**CM: K, Coming over right now**

"Let's go," I say to Zoe. We both grab an extra set of clothes and our sleeping bags before heading out. But before we could make it out the front door, Larry stops us.

"Where do you think you two are going?" He asks in a stern voice.

"Relax, we're going to Evan's," I snap. I hated Larry. He always had to get in the way of things.

"You guys are always there," He scoffs.

"So?" I say. Cynthia was in the kitchen making dinner.

"Oh, just let them go, Larry," She says, shooting me a quick smile. I heard Larry mumble a small "fine" under his breath. I smirked. Zoe and I headed out and started the ten-minute drive to Evan's. Zoe was driving while I was in the passenger seat.

By the time Zoe and I got there, Jared's car was already in their driveway. I knocked on the door waiting for someone to open it. I could hear Evan yelling at Jared to get off of the table. We waited about a minute before Evan finally opened the door.

"Hey, guys! Sorry for the wait." He said. He glared at Jared from the side of his eyes.

"No problem," I say. Zoe and I step in, closing the door behind us. Zoe and Evan shared a quick kiss before going to the living room where Jared was.

"What do you guys wanna do?" Evan asks.

"Ooo, why don't we watch a musical bootleg?" Zoe says excitedly.

"Yes!" Jared exclaims. Evan turns the TV on and goes to youtube.

"Which musical shall we watch?" Evan asks.

"I vote for Newsies!" I say a little too loudly. Zoe groans.

"We've watched that so many times! We should try something new." She complains.

"Fine," I say. Newsies has always been my favorite musical. Be More Chill was a close second though. We settled on Heather's in the end. By the time we finished, it was around eight. We set up our sleeping bags and got in our pajamas. Jared, Zoe and I were on the floor of Evan's room. Evan was going to sleep on his bed so that it would be easier for him to get in and out of his wheelchair. Everyone was settled in around 8:30.

"So when are you getting the surgery?" Jared asks.

"In about two weeks," Evan replies. "I'm kinda nervous though."

"Who wouldn't be? This stuff is scary." I say.

"Plus, we'll all be there with you," Zoe says. She has a gentle smile on her face.

"You guys are the best," Evan says. We all gather in a group hug on Evan's bed. I could tell from everyone's face that we were all scared for Evan. No one wanted to think about the worst that could happen. It was nine o'clock when Evan fell asleep. I took my phone out and texted ZOe and Jared.

**CM: You guys still up?**

**ZM: Yeah**

**JK: Yeah**

**CM: Tomorrow's Evan's birthday right?**

**JK: Oh yeah! I almost forgot!**

**ZM: Me too!**

**CM: AWe should surprise him with something**

**ZM: I have the perfect idea!**

Evan's POV

I woke up around 7:30. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I looked around expecting to see Connor, Zoe, and Jared still sleeping. I was surprised that they were all up and on their phones, rapidly texting.

"Oh morning, Ev!" Connor said, before looking back at his phone.

"Morning," I say back. I grabbed my phone to text my mom to see if she was up. Sure enough, five minutes later she opend my bedroom door and poked her head in.

"Morning guys!" She says.

"Morning!" We all chimed.

"You guys want some french toast for breakfast?"

"Sure," I say. Connor, Zoe, and Jared were still typing on their phones.

"What you guys doing?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Nothing much," Zoe murmured. In another 10 minutes, my mom called us over to eat.

"Thanks, Heidi!" Zoe says. My mom smiles.

"You're welcome, Zoe!" She cheerfully says back. My mom adores Zoe. SHe's always had a soft spot for her. But to be honest, who doesn't like Zoe? She's like the literal definition of perfect.

I was surprised that my mom or friends hadn't said happy birthday to me yet. _They probably forgot. _It wasn't a big deal anyway. After an hour or so my friends all left. I had a therapy session to go to. After my therapy, my mom brought me to my favorite restaurant to eat.

"So, how does it feel being eighteen?" She asks as we find a table. _So she does remember._

"Not much different." I say," I was just expecting one of my friends to remember that it was my birthday."

"Maybe they'll text you later," She says.

"Maybe," I say. We ordered our food and waited for the waiter to bring our drinks over.

Zoe's POV

We had already told Heidi about our plan. After we left Evan's house, we headed over to our first stop, the party store. We grabbed some blue streamers and decorations.

"Oh, we should get some balloons too!" Connor exclaims.

"What colors though? You know, other than blue," Jared says.

"What about white?" I say.

"Sure, why not?" Jared shrugs. We picked out a few balloons before heading to the art store.

If there was anything Evan loved just as much as trees, it would be art. He loved to paint trees (obviously) and landscapes.

We each wanted to get Evan something. I ended up getting him a sketchbook and some chalk pastels. Connor got him some canvases and paint. Jared bought some brush pens and a watercolor palette.

We all paid and hopped back into the car. Our next destination was the garden store. We were all planning on buying Evan a tree. I picked out a bonsai tree, while Connor chose a mini cherry blossom tree and Jared chose a Japanese maple. Evan was going to love this. Now we had a little over an hour to set up. We drove back to Evan's house to decorate. Heidi had given us a key so we could let ourselves in.

"Okay, let's do this!" I yell. Connor and Jared cheered in return. We started to hang the streamers and blow up the balloons. I wrapped Evan's gifts and made a card. We all signed it before taping it on to one of the presents. After the room was all set up we got into our hiding spots. Now, all we had to do was wait.

Evan's POV

After we ate, we headed back home. My mom dropped me off before driving off to run an errand. I unlocked the door and went inside. Before I could even close the door I heard Zoe, Connor, and Jared all yell,

"Surprise! Happy Birthday!" The lights flickered on and they jumped out from behind the couch. I flinched at the sudden burst of noise. I looked around to see decorations and a stack of presents on the table.

"Oh my god, you guys are the best!" I say. "And here I was thinking that you guys forgot."

"We would never forget Ev," Connor says.

"Here! Open your presents!" Jared says. I wheel over to the table. I slowly and carefully unwrap each gift.

"These are amazing!" I exclaim. My friends knew me too well. "You guys didn't have to get me all this you know?"

"We know, but we wanted to," Zoe says.

"Cause you're our friend," Connor adds.

"You guys wanna put on a movie?" I ask.

"Sure! You pick, cause you're the birthday boy," Zoe says.

"Pitch Perfect it is then!" I announce. I loved Pitch Perfect. It was one of my all-time favorite movies. Connor lifted me out of my wheelchair and set me on the couch before sitting down next to me. Zoe took the seat on the other side of me and Jared sat next to Connor. We were halfway through the movie when my mom came home.

"Evan! I have a surprise for you!" She says as she walks through the door. In her arms was a little german shepherd puppy. I let out a little squeal as she set the pup down. She ran over to the couch to sniff all of us. Zoe picked her up and set her on my lap.

"This is the best mom!" I say while giving her a belly rub.

"What are you going to name her?" Jared asks.

"What about Luna?" I say.

"It's perfect." My mom says. She walks over and gives me a hug. This was the best birthday ever. It made all the jitters of getting surgery flow far away.

**AN: Thanks for reading another chapter! I hope you liked it, although it was more of a filler chapter. I'm debating on what to write for the next chapter. Should I make Evan get surgery in the next chapter or should I add another filler chapter like this one? Anyway, thanks again for continuing to read this story and I hope you guys enjoy it!**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: This next chapter isn't the best but I hope you guys like it! Thanks to impossibledaisy for the advice! Writing this story has really expanded my love for writing. **

Evan's POV

Today was the day. It was five in the morning when my mom woke me up.

"Come on, Evan. We have to get to the hospital at six." My mom says as she shakes me awake. I groaned. She helps me into my wheelchair.

"Connor, Zoe, and Jared will meet us there at seven before you go into the surgery." She says.

"Wait, where's Luna?" I ask, confused about why she hasn't come into my room.

"She's at the Kleinman's. They picked her up last night. They're going to watch her for a bit to give you some time to recover. " I nodded before rolling out of my room. I went to the kitchen to grab a granola bar. Right before I unwrapped it, my mom took it out of my hands.

"No food, remember?" She says.

"Oh yeah. I forgot." I was really hungry but I couldn't eat until after surgery. My surgery wasn't until 7:30 but I had to get there earlier to do all the prepping. I had packed my backpack with some of my stuff the night before. It was sitting next to the front door so we didn't forget it.

Soon enough, we had reached the hospital. My mom checked me in before we waited for someone to call me back.

"I'm nervous," I say.

"It'll be ok," She replies. We waited for about ten minutes before a nurse called me.

"Evan Hansen?"

"That's us," My mom says. She stands up and grabs the handles of my wheelchair. We went into a room where they checked my temperature, drew some blood and made sure I hadn't eaten anything. Once we were done there, we went into another room where they got me into a hospital gown. After some time, Doctor Erin came in.

"Hi, Evan," she says. She's holding a clipboard that I assumed had my information on it.

"Hi," I say back.

"So, let's go over some stuff about Evan's surgery," she says. My mom nods in agreement. "He'll be under anesthesia, so he won't feel a thing. The surgery is going to take anywhere from four to six hours. Now, we can either do the surgery in one or two parts. It's your choice whether you want us to operate on both legs in one session or do one today and the other tomorrow."

"Can we do both today?" I ask my mom.

"Sure honey," she says. My mom looks worried but she was trying not to let it show through.

"Great," Doctor Erin says. "Now, someone will come to get you in a little bit when it's time. But for now, I think some of your friends are here to see you." She motions for Connor, Zoe, and Jared to come through the door.

"Hi guys," I say. I put on a smile to hid my nerves.

"Hey, Ev," They say. Jared was holding Luna in his arms. He set her down in my lap. She licked me before curling up in my lap.

"Jared, I already told you they don't allow dogs here!" My mom says.

"It's ok, Heidi. I made an exception for him," Doctor Erin says. "I'll let you guys have some privacy." Doctor Erin says before leaving.

"Can I have some time alone with each of you? I ask.

"Sure honey," My mom says. "Connor, you can go first." Everyone leaves the room while Connor sits on the edge of my bed.

"Can you go to my backpack?" I ask.

"Sure," Connor stands up and unzips the pocket.

"Grab the envelope," I say. He pulls out an envelope and walks back over towards me.

"In the envelope, I wrote letters to each of you. My mom, Zoe, Jared, and you. If I don't make it, I need you to give these to them." I saw tears form in the corner of his eyes.

"Don't say that," He says, choking back tears. "You're going to make it through. I know you will."

"You've been the best friend I could ever ask for," I say. Tears were streaming down Connor's face.

"You're gonna pull through Ev. You're strong. You're not going to leave us."

"But promise me you'll give them their letters," He nods before leaving the room and letting Zoe come in.

"I love you Zo," I say. She comes over and plants a quick kiss on my forehead.

"When you wake up, I'll be here, ok?" She says. "And when you wake up, you're going to walk. And we'll go on our dream date."

"Just being with you is enough. Always remember that I love you. Even if I'm not around anymore."

"I don't want to think about that. Please." She says. "I can't lose you, not now, not later, never."

"You won't. I'll always be with you. I'll always be in your memory."

"Stop talking like you're bound to die!" She yells, tears pouring from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. Zoe curls up next to me. "Please don't leave me. I need you."

"Ok," I say. "I love you Zo."

"I love you, Ev."

Zoe stays curled up next to me for the next 5 minutes. My mom pokes her head in.

"Hey, Ev you only have 10 more minutes before surgery. Do you still want to talk with Jared?"

"Yeah," I say, signaling for Zoe to get up. Jared comes in.

"Hey," He says.

"Hey,"

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing," I mumble.

"Come on, we've known each other for years. I can tell when something is bothering you."

"Fine, I'm scared. Like really scared. What if I don't make it out?"

"It's natural to be scared Ev. I mean it's surgery. And you're going to make it out. And when you do, you won't need that stupid wheelchair anymore."

"Thanks, Jared,"

"No problem Acorn,"

Jared stepped out and let my mom in.

"I love you mom,"

"I love you, sweetie."

"I'm sorry,"

"For what?"

"For causing you so much money and trouble."

"Oh Evan, you are the one good thing in my life. I don't care how much I have to spend on you. Each penny is worth it."

"Thanks, mom." She comes over and gives me a hug before a nurse comes in.

"Ready?" She asks.

"Yup," I say. She unlocks the wheels of my bed.

"I love you, Evan," My mom says as the nurse wheels me out of the room. I smile at my friends as they slowly got farther and farther away. I was rolled into the operating room.

"Ok, Evan. We're going to give you the anesthesia now, you ready?" I nod as they strap a mask over my face.

"I want you to slowly count to ten ok?" The nurse says. I start counting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Right as I finished counting the whole world went black.


	14. Chapter 14

Connor's POV

I watched as the nurse rolled Evan away towards the operating room. His letters were still in my hand. Zoe reached for my empty hand. She squeezed it tightly.

"He's going to be okay, right?" She asks.

"Yeah," I respond. Heidi walked out of Evan's room and came over towards us.

"He'll be in surgery for about four to six hours. If you guys want to go home first you can. I'll call you when they're done." She says.

"Okay," I say. Zoe and I head off while Jared stayed with Heidi for a bit. We got into our car and started to drive home.

"Can we stop for breakfast first?" Zoe asks.

"Sure, pancakes?"

"Sure!" Zoe says as I exited the freeway to go to our favorite pancake place. Zoe and I took our seats and ordered our food. Zoe stared out the window and had a dazed look on her face.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask.

"Evan,"

"What about him?"

"Just everything he's done for us."

"Anything specific?"

"He gave me you. The real you. He makes you so happy and brings out the Connor I knew when we were seven." I felt a feeling of guilt run through me. I never meant to harm Zoe. Yet I did in so many ways. She had to deal with the monster version of myself for over four years. I thought she hated me, but all she wanted was for her brother to come back.

"Zo, I'm sorry. I should never have treated you that way. No one deserves that, especially not you."

"Well, I think we're past that now. Evan has really brought us together."

"I don't know what I would do without him."

Our waiter brings out our food. Zoe and I ate in silence. My life would be so different if Evan wasn't my friend. After we finished eating I dropped Zoe off at home.

"Aren't you coming?" She asks as she gets out of the car.

"Later, I need to go somewhere first."

"Ok," She says, walking away.

"Wait! Zoe!" I call back. She turns around to face me.

"I love you," I say. Zoe smiles before repeating the phrase back to me. I smile as I drive off. I drive over to the old orchard that my family would have picnics in. I find a spot in a wide and open field. I lie down on the grass and closed my eyes, enjoying the breeze. Not too long after, I drifted to sleep.

I was woken up by the buzzing of my phone. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Zoe.

"Hello?" I say, rubbing my eyes.

"Where have you been! I texted you a thousand times!"

"Sorry, I fell asleep at the orchard."

"Whatever. Heidi called me ten minutes ago. She said that Evan is almost done with surgery."

"I'm on my way," I say as I grab my jacket before running to my car.

"Don't forget to pick me up!"

"Right, see you in five."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hopped in the car and drove to my house. Zoe was impatiently waiting outside. She got in and we started the drive to the hospital. Once we arrived we found Jared in the waiting room with Heidi.

"Hey," I say. They both looked up at me and Zoe.

"Hey guys," Heidi says. "Take a seat. They just came out and said that Evan was done. We're just waiting for Doctor Erin now."

"Sounds good," Zoe says as she sits down next to Jared. We waited about ten minutes before Doctor Erin walked out.

"The surgery went very well. We were able to stabilize his spine and legs without much of a problem. He's currently still unconscious but should wake up in a little bit. You can go in to see him now."

"Thank you," Heidi says. We all stand up to follow Doctor Erin to Evan's room.

"He'll have to stay here for a week or two so that we can monitor him."

"When will he try to walk?" I ask.

"Well, for now, he has casts on his legs which he'll have to keep on for a few days before we can remove them. After that, it'll depend on how he feels."

"Okay," I answer. We continued walking down to Evan's room.

"Here you are. When he wakes up, you can call one of us so that we can check up on him."

"Got it, thanks, Doctor Erin," Jared says. We all enter the room and take a seat. Evan still had an oxygen mask strapped onto his face. He was hooked up to a couple of machines that monitored his breathing. His legs were in two big white casts.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to get a bite to eat. Anyone want to come with?" Heidi says. Both Jared and Zoe stand up to follow Heidi.

"I'll stay here," I say. Heidi nods as she leads Zoe and Jared to the cafeteria. I take out my phone and look through my pictures of Evan. His smile was so big and wide whenever he was ever near trees. I scroll through and stop at a picture of Zoe, Evan, and I. Evan in his wheelchair. I feel my eyes start to form tears. I put my phone down and close my eyes. I hear some rustling. I look over towards Evan and see his eyes fluttering open.

"Ev!" I say a little too loudly. I quickly go and call a nurse to come in to check on Evan. She takes off the oxygen mask and asks him a few questions. She gives him a few pain meds before leaving the room. I quickly text Zoe that Evan was awake before looking back at Evan.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Okay, I guess. My legs and back hurt a lot but that's probably normal."

"Yeah,"

"Are you the only one here?" He asks, his eyes showing signs of sadness.

"No, your mom took Jared and Zoe to get a bite to eat. I just texted Zoe that you're awake."

"Ok," He mumbles. He starts to fidget with his hospital gown. A few minutes later, Heidi, Jared, and Zoe came back.

"Evan!" Heidi says happily.

"Hi, Mom!" His eyes light up as he saw Heidi walk in.

"You feeling ok?" Zoe asks. Evan nods his head. I could tell that he was uncomfortable with this much attention.

"Can I get some sleep?" He asks.

"Sure," We say. He closes his eyes as we all exit the room.

**AN: Hey! Sorry I'm posting this kinda late. But, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and that you will continue to read this story. Thank you so much for all the support. I'm thinking of maybe doing 2 or 3 more chapters before finishing the story. **


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Final chapter! I know I said a couple more chapters but I feel like this chapter ties it up pretty well. I'm debating on writing a squeal. I hope you enjoyed my story and I'm glad you made it this far. You guys have been so supportive and I feel that I am now a better writer. (Also, sorry this is up late) **

Evan's POV

"Alright, take it easy." My mom says. I had been cleared from the hospital around a week prior and was told that I could start trying to walk. I had taken a few steps on other days but today I felt good. I felt strong. I steadied myself with the wall as I pushed myself out of my wheelchair. I slowly began to move my legs. One step, two steps, three steps. I made my way across the hall. I beamed as I looked back at my mom. Her smile showed it all.

"Oh, Evan! I'm so proud of you! Look at my baby boy walking again." She came over and gave me a hug. "It's almost time for you to go to the Murphys'," She says, looking at her watch.

"Can I leave my wheelchair here?" I ask. She beamed as she replied.

"Of course," She looked so happy as she grabbed her keys. I slowly walked to the car stumbling occasionally. My friends have yet to see me walk so I was eager to show them today. We drove in a comfortable silence as we approached the Murphys' house.

"Ready?" My mom says.

"Yeah," I say. Zoe and Connor were in the front yard as we pulled into their driveway. As I opened the door I hear Zoe yell,

"Hey, Evan!" I see Connor start to walk over. He goes for the trunk, thinking my wheelchair was inside.

"Wait!" I yell a little too loudly.

"What?" Connor asks, clearly confused. I swung my legs out of the car and stood up taking small steps towards him and Zoe.

"Evan! You're walking!" He exclaims. Zoe runs over to give me a hug and a quick kiss. I hear clapping and whooping in the background. I turn to see Jared approaching smacking his hands together.

"Yeah! Way to go Acorn!" He comes over and ruffles with my hair.

"Thanks, Jared," I say half sarcastic. We all go inside to the living room.

"Evan! Great to see you walking again!" Cynthia says as she sees me. I flash a smile at her before proceeding with the group. We all sit down on the couch. Zoe snuggles up next to me with Connor to her left and Jared to my right.

"When did you start walking again?" Zoe asks.

"I started taking small steps a few days ago, but today is the first time I went somewhere without my wheelchair."

"That's great Ev," Connor says. Connor looked sad about something. He was trying to hide it but I could tell something was wrong.

"Hey, Con?" I say.

"Yeah Ev?"

"Can I speak to you? Privately,"

"Sure," we both get up and walk to his room.

"Is something wrong?" He asks with a concerned look.

"You look down today. Is something bothering you?"

"Oh um yeah. My parents are sending me to a boarding school." He mumbles.

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to today, but then you walked and I didn't want to ruin the moment."

"When do you leave?"

"Next week." We sit in silence for a minute or two before going back to the living room.

One week later...

"I'm going to miss you guys so much," Connor says as we all hug him. Today was the day. The day my best friend leaves.

"We're going to miss you too," I say. Connor waves one last time before walking into the airport. We start our drive back home when my phone vibrates. I see a text message from Connor.

**CM: Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why: because today at least you're you and that's enough. Don't stop being yourself because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Tell Zoe that I love her. Thank you for being you and bringing me so much joy. Thank you, Evan Hansen for just being you. **


End file.
